I sat in the back corner of the room. The bright fluorescent lights looked down on the twenty or so newly minted college kids that bustled about in their bags for fresh notebooks and pens. I didn’t have these things. I didn’t even want to be there. Well, I did. I wanted to go to college, but not with these people watching me. Not with this professor, with his long nose and scraggly, gray hair. I wanted something else. But what I wanted I didn’t know.
I probably wouldn’t have been comfortable in any room that day. You see, the anxiety of being a new college student, unsure of my surroundings and other people, made me fear for my safety and my future. I would only make it through one of four classes that first semester – a history class.
In 2007, after many failed classes and a few successful ones, I would finally be diagnosed with Bipolar I, the most severe form of Bipolar Disorder. This disorder creates deep depressions that are hard to climb out of – so deep that it’s hard to get out of bed some days – as well as the highest highs that put you on Cloud 9, making you feel invincible even when you’re not. It can make you very angry for no reason, putting you at odds with the world and everyone in it. I’d been suffering with this since I was 16 when my mother first took me to see someone about my anger and depression but no one saw the real problem. They just saw an angsty teen.
Fast forward to today and you’ll see a young woman with a bright future ahead of her. I’ll be walking up to grab that degree and shake the hand of someone at Southern New Hampshire University that I’ve only ever heard about in emails in May and I’ll have worked for 10 long years to make that happen despite being a tough Bipolar case to treat.
I’m writing a memoir about those 10 years, 5 schools, and 3,000 miles, to help inspire others who may be facing hardship when trying to make their dreams come true. Check out my Kickstarter campaign to support the future publication of this memoir, please click here.
Thank you all for reading about my story, and I hope you are looking forward to the memoir as much as I am!
Swings and Seesaws Blog